Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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