God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
