Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
