i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
