@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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