if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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