I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
