the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
