I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
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My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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