anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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