Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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