It's like God shit irony all over that family
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
