So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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