I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
