Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
