You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
