He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she was so not down for the gang bang
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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