i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
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Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
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He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I think I just sharted jello shots
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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