just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
