dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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