Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just had sex on a roof
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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