it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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