What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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