On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
