Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
