sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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