Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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