Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
