do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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