I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
