Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
