Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
