she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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