I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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