Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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