Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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