Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
