I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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