How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
