another moral hangover. fuck.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
