i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
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