And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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