Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
