i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
