Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
