Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
