I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
