I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We smell like vodka and hangover
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
