Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So drunk its hurt
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
