its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
