as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You need Xanax blowdarts
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
