Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
