If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
