Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
