the condom got lost in my hair
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
