I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
