remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
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And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
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Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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