There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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