No awkward lesbian experiences without me
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
