Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
