Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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