I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Randomize
