At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
