lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
