Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
